From Grief to Growth:

Saying Goodbye to Pan and Embracing 2025

Turning Pain into Purpose: Embracing the New Year With Hope and Vision

Towards the end of 2023, I made an impulsive decision to leave both of my jobs, sell my car, and travel to Southeast Asia. I needed to detox my mind and body, explore healing modalities closer to my motherland (the Philippines), work on my writing, finish my outstanding projects, and come back stronger and clearer than ever. For the past 15 years, I’ve been moving toward a dream that has evolved with time, gaining experience along the way. In my work, I’ve always pursued positions that aligned with my passions and long-term goals. I’ve been blessed with incredible opportunities and the chance to work with amazing people. Yet, despite these blessings, I feel like I’ve let many of them slip away, falling back on old habits and a toxic lifestyle I thought I had outgrown. Since moving back to my hometown, I’ve watched my body and mind deteriorate, losing faith in myself as I struggled. Despite working for companies and managers who believed in me, I couldn’t seem to make it work because my body was suffering and my heart would always gravitate me towards this project.

One of the first pictures after taking Pan and Cup home

I had a plan for 2024. The Universe. however had a different plan.

 I left my full-time job in September, and started to plan my trip and where I wanted to go, with the intention of leaving for 6 months.  Then October 7th hit, and everything changed for me - we started to watch in real-time, innocent families being attacked and thousands of children dying or watching their families die.  Witnessing the tragedy that is happening in the Middle East and feeling so helpless in not being able to save these innocent people sent me on a downward spiral and I started to fall into a depression. Any time a pure soul is diminished especially in such a horrific way, the world becomes a bit darker, and we can all feel it.  When I would go on walks and see children playing happily at the park, my heart would sink just thinking that there are kids just like them in another part of the world, but living in conditions I can’t even imagine.  There would be many days when it was so overwhelming, that I would just cry in my car, not knowing what to do.  Day-to-day living became really strained because of the guilt I was feeling. 

Pan's decline

That’s when I began to notice that my cat, Pan, was becoming ill. Pan and I shared a special bond—though I love all my cats equally, I truly believe she was my soul animal. She was the sweetest, most loving creature I’ve ever had the privilege of caring for, and she was the one being that loved me the most on this planet. In January of 2024, I left my second job, and money became too tight for me to bring her to the vet. I applied for jobs that I thought were sure things, but for reasons I couldn’t understand, the Universe had other plans, as it was asking me to fully trust in what I was creating. As I continued applying for work, I also started working on different projects, one of which was an ebook called Natural Vitality, which I eventually turned into a 5-week course. My hope was to launch it and use the proceeds to pay for her vet bills. But despite believing in the value of Natural Vitality, I couldn’t find the courage to launch it. I was struggling with depression, weighed down by the ongoing warfare in the world and the slow suffering of Pan. Every day that passed compounded the guilt I felt for not being in a position to properly care for the one being who loved me most in this world. That guilt and helplessness will always haunt me, but it is the fuel I needed to get me to complete these projects.

In September, Pan’s health began to decline, and it became clear that her condition was irreversible. She stopped eating her regular food and lost weight rapidly. I tried to feed her anything she would eat—small amounts of chicken, tuna, pumpkin, and certain treats. I had always prided myself on being a cat mom who never needed to bring my cats to the vet, but caring for Pan humbled me in ways I could never have imagined. At the age of 16, she was a ball of energy until last year, still holding on to her kitten personality. Those last few weeks with her were among the most heart-wrenching of my life, but I’m eternally grateful for that time. I held her, reminded her how much she was loved, and cherished every memory we’d shared.

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a mother, loving my own children deeply. I spent my younger years caring for my cousin’s babies and later, my sister’s children. While I didn’t have my own, the mothering instinct in me was undeniable, and my cats became my children. I poured all my love into them, even as I focused on my projects and jumped from one idea to the next. I knew I didn’t want to have children of my own until I reached a stage in my life where I could offer them the best life possible—financially free, secure in myself, and in a place where I could be not just a great mom, but the best partner as well.

This past year with Pan served as a mirror, reflecting the depth of love I had for these little beings and revealing how I had, at times, lived recklessly and selfishly. I realized that Pan, and her sister Cup—who passed in 2021—were preparing me for the role of mother, teaching me about the sacrifices necessary to keep them safe. They opened my heart to a love I’ve always had within me, ready to be shared.

The Sacred Good-bye

 During that month, on Friday the 13th, Pan was the weakest she’s ever been.  I decided to bring her to the forest so that she can be surrounded by nature, but she wasn’t even able to walk more than 15 steps in front of me.  So I carried her through the forest.  As I walked through the forest, covered by a canopy of trees, and with the sound of the running creek next to me, I started to talk to Mother Earth:

Mama Earth, this is my baby, Pan.  She’s really sick, and I don’t think she’s going to get better. If this is her time to go, if you want her body returned back to you, I have come to accept that.  All I ask is to please take her soul as gently and as lovingly as you can.  And if possible, when she is ready, please have her and her sister’s spirits come back into my life in the form of my own child, whether a child birthed by me, an adopted child, or even another animal. In return, and to prepare for their arrival, I promise to get my body, mind and spirit to be baby-ready, and to launch the projects you have guided me to create.

We went home after that, and I spent the whole night by Pan’s side.  Any time I would step away, she became anxious and kept looking for me, so I tried to be with her as much as possible.  At around 10:30pm, she let me hold her paw for 30 minutes, and then cuddle her in my arms for another 30 minutes, which she never did before.  As I held her, all the memories of her flashed in my head like a movie montage - it wasn’t just reminding me of my life with her, but my life in general for the last 16 years.  She then got up, and started to walk slowly to the front door.  I watched her walk all the way to the door, stood there for a moment, and then collapse to her side.  I ran to her crying, and when I reached her, she let me watch her take her last two breaths.  There was no struggle, no pain; it was a purely poetic death and transcendence. For that, I will always be grateful to Mother Earth for answering that prayer, and now it’s time for me to hold up my end of the bargain. 

2025: A Year of Transformation and Embodied Opulence

As the new year of 2025 begins, it is time to step into the next phase of my journey—a phase where the theories, practices, and visions I have been writing and dreaming about for years come to life. Over the past two months, I have gained the momentum needed to bring clarity and structure to my work. I’ve polished the JEMMs, outlined my book Creating Opulence, and developed an engaging activity book to accompany the JEMMs framework. These milestones represent the foundation of a practice that has been nurtured in my heart for years—a practice designed to help others recreate their lives with intention, creativity, and balance.

Starting Monday, January 6th, I will fully immerse myself in this practice, applying its principles to my own life. This journey isn’t just theoretical; it’s a living, breathing testament to the transformative power of this work. By documenting my progress, challenges, and breakthroughs, I aim to demonstrate how this approach can reshape a life from the ground up. This is more than a personal commitment—it’s an invitation for you to witness and join in this process of self-discovery, growth, and the creation of opulence in every aspect of life. Together, let’s make 2025 a year of transformation, embodiment, and abundant possibility.

And as I take these steps, I am deeply aware that the sooner I can fully commit to Opulence Vision, the sooner I can start making a tangible difference in the lives of others—especially those who are suffering. My work through Opulence Vision is not just about personal growth; it’s about helping those who are struggling to find a path forward. This commitment will not only help me create my own vision of opulence but will empower me to reach and uplift others who need it most. The journey of healing and growth is interconnected, and I truly believe that by stepping fully into my calling, I will be better equipped to support those in need, sharing the tools and practices that can transform lives.